Monday, May 11, 2009

The life of a Mother

Mother's day is always an emotional day for me. I think just because A. It makes me think of my own mom and how great she is and B. I love being a mom and just love my kids.

I didn't realize how much the love a mother has for her children until the day I had Easton. I truly believe there is no love quite like it. It is so different from the love you feel for your significant other or any material thing. I don't remember ever being younger and saying "all I want to do is grow up and be a mom". I was so much interested in fashion and boys and a career, more of the selfish things in life. I knew one day I would get married and have kids because "that is just what you do". I remember when I got pregnant with Easton I wasn't the most excited as probably one would be. I was married yes and on birth control but the circumstances in my life weren't the best at the time. Well needless to say the day I had him change my life FOREVER! Not in the way I thought either but made my life even better. Becoming a mother made me a better person. The way I view life and the world is completely different then I once thought it for. For example I never thought I would receive such joy out of basic little things that are said and done. To love to hear yourself be called mom and to hear I love you from this tiny little person that you love more than anything yourself, that you would do anything for such as lay down your own life to protect them. To see whenever they hurt, scared, upset or even sick that my heart would ache so much to make it all better and for it to go away.
Now when I see their little smiling faces it brightens up my day and melts my heart. I know that my life would be so insignificant and incomplete without them. That is something you will never know until they are here and you hold them for the first time. I cannot believe the instant love you feel that although a complete stranger and yet you feel like you have known this sweet spirit that dwells is such a small body forever. You also realize that what a complete "miracle" they are that not only did you and your husband create but that you carried and grew for 9 months and felt move around inside you, there is really nothing like it. So for anyone that "chooses" not to experience that is "CRAZY"! Yes there are days that are so hard and you wonder how you ever got your self in this mess and you can't really remember your life without them, it has seemed like they have always been there. It is all so worth it though.

There are days that are so hard but I try and have to try super hard on those days to remember to embrace it because you only do all of this once. I will only be a young mom once and have the energy now to run around chasing them. I love babies and for me it is hard to see them get bigger. Each day brings new and exciting things each day will go on and on with or without me. So this is why I need to put both feet in take the good with the bad especially when there is more good than bad. I know that the reward at the end will be the greatest. There are days though I often ask myself "Am I a good mom" "Am I doing the right thing and making the best decision"?? Raising kids is so difficult it is all about follow through and making sure your kids grow up being honest, hard working, righteous people. It will probably be the hardest thing I ever do but I know so worth it. These two kids and hopefully more to come are the most important things to me in this world. They truly make me want to be a better person and remind me I need to be a better example. I thank my Heavenly Father everyday for sending them to me, I don't know where or who I would be without them. I am so glad that they chose "ME" to be there mother here on this earth I truly feel blessed and honored!! I tell my Young Women all the time if being a mom is the only thing I was sent to this earth to do it is ok because I love being a mom! I just want my kids to love me as much as I love them and for them to one day be proud of me and say what a great mom I was. Hopefully there thoughts and memories of me won't be" my mom was a screaming crazy ranting raving selfish wacko". I also hope they grow up being the best that they can be and always stay active in the church and will have a relationship with their father in heaven. After all he gave them to me with that responsibility and trusts me with them so I hope and pray that the decisions I make each day will be the best one's for them. I may not be the average cookie baking, sewing happy, craft making, floor so clean you can eat off of it mom but I do know this I can be lots of fun and silly and most important I will and do love them so deep that it hurts. I can promise that I will love, hug and kiss alot too, all that I can do!

Besides just look at those faces how could you not!

Also I would just like to wish a Happy Mother's day to my mom! She is such a great woman, so amazing to me and a wonderful mother. My sisters always tease me that I am a "suck up" to her but it's not that. It's just I was so horrible to her when I was a teenager. I put my poor parents through hell, especially my mother. So I will make it up to her the rest of my life by being her friend and on her side (even if she is not always right) If I knew then what I know now, I would start all over and take it all back. She would always try and tell me but I never understood obviously until I became a mom, that is just how it works. I also tell my Young Women that all the time, that they will never understand how much that their parents love them until they become one. I probably would have made different decisions not only for myself but for the future kids that I didn't know that were so special that would be coming to me. Like I said that is how life is, we are supposed to go through trials and that is who makes us who we are. If we were to see the future then we would all be perfect and what fun would that be lol. Anyway back to my mom, even though there were times I was so horrible she would try so hard and I knew and I did appreciate it. She always was up to bat for me even sometimes against my dad which I know was hard. She also worked so hard for our family and even though is was alot to handle having her gone and working so much, I just hope she knows her hard work never went unnoticed. She wanted us to have the best of everything and I know she loved us all so much and that is why! I am so glad for our relationship over the years and how close we are. She is one of my best est friends and she is always there for me and supports me know matter what. She has gotten me through some of the worst times in my life and I will forever be grateful to her for that. I know I can count on my mom and she will be there. Mom I love you so much and don't know what my life would be like without you and I hope I never have to find out. Thank you for being such a great example to me and also helping me become the mother and woman I am trying to be. Where would we all be without our mothers? To me there shouldn't just be one day a year we remember and celebrate our mothers it should be all the time. So here's to motherhood because if there is anything that I do in my life right lets hope it is this because there is nothing else I would rather be or be doing! And although motherhood is not very glamorous I still have managed to wear my heels and wedges on most days.


Tiff said...

Thanks Amy. It's always good to hear that once in awhile. I think sometimes we forget and just need to slow down and enjoy these precious kids! I love the end when you wrote you still wear your heals and wedges that's awesome!

Shell said...

That was sweet. You are a great Mom and I hope you had a Happy Mother's Day.

Dave and Corey Johnson said...

Such cute pictures. You look so much like your mom. Being a mom is the best.

Mink News said...

Hey Amy this is JesseAnn. Your kids are adorable!!!! It was so fun to run into your blog! It looks like things are going well for you guys!

The Genta Family said...

Your kids look so cute in their easter outfits. I'm glad you had a good mother's day!

Jensen's said...

Looks like you had a good mothers day! Your family is super cute